REHAB

No matter how bad it is things tend to sort themselves out in the end.Television IS rubbish.Etsy is real rad.Ebay's dead.Megadeth were 2nd best.What about 3rd and 4th best? Noone ever mentions them.Let's play hopscotch in some hipster club.I just like all of a sudden can see the light.

 

MY LYFE IS (pseudo) GAY

EVERY-TIME I THINK I HAVE A JOB I GET FUCKED IN THE ARSE BY MY POTENTIAL EMPLOYER. I DO NOT PLAN TO EAT AT LENTIL AS ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF MY GOD-DAMN LIFE. THIS HAS HAPPENED SO MANY FUCKING TIMES I WANT TO CRY.

 EG;

HELLO THIS IS CIARAN.

CIARAN?

YES. I DID A TRIAL SHIFT FOR YOU JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS.. YOU TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU A CALL AFTER THE 8TH? (IT IS THE 7TH)

OH OK.

..SO I'M JUST CALLING TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M READY TO GO IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED?

NO I'M RIGHT THANKS DARL. BYE.

(HANGS UP.)

I AM NOT A TELEMARKETER YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH. I HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOUR GAY ARSE CAFE EXPLODES.

-Eug.

Managing the moods.

It was just a stage.

Love Gert.

Dope.

 

Quick update

Dear Melbourne,

Paris is really rad.

Im having a fabulous time and never want to leave (well not for a long while anyway).

It's really exciting to catch up with all of my old friends and not to forget the new ones too.

This city is definitely more than its cracked up to be. Although I havent found the love of my life yet (dont they say Paris is the city of love?) I'm sure that my night in shining armour is just around the corner.

Anyway, I hope you get this postcard soon because I heard the posties are on strike.

I dont really miss you at all Melbourne, apart from Starbucks, Lentil and the frozen yoghurt exotic fruit whips. Oh and 7/11 for late night/early morn ciggie fixes.

Lots of love and best wishes for the new year,

Gertrude x

long walk on a rainy day with a broken camera phone

PIXAR IN THE 1980's

1994 called, it wants it's babysitter back

 

This is totally unsettling...

soz chastity you looked waaaaaaaaaaaay better before...

 

Vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

Spending the whole night youtoobing Eminem oldies and Beyonce newbies is bloody fabulous.With the exception of Dido's appearance. Beyonce I really really love you, i think you're amazing, bootylicious and super talented. I also think you and Jay-Z are a match made in heaven. Eminem, you WERE amazing, you gotta prove yaself to me once again.
P.S. Has anyone ever eaten Urban Burger? oooooooooooooooooooooohhhh.

Worth going to Footscary? yes.

ob-sessed wiv diss song

Dear Santa,

Last year me and my immediate family spent christmas lunch with Lucky Diamond Rich, Guinness book of World Records' most tattooed man in the world and an old friend of my Dads. I shit you not. The one and only part of this mans body that isn't decorated with ink is the soul of just one big toe. Totally-fucking-epic. He's also just a really cool dude, chilled as cucumber. So dear Santa, all i want for christmas is a repeat of this event or something equally as cool and interesting.

-Eug.

"My name isn't Jesus"

"Kenny, I know you're about fifty pounds overweight, but when i say "move it" please interpret that as move-your-fat-tub-of-lard-ass-NOW!"

NOT-IMPRESSED

I'm pretty sure this is bad enough to be sent to jail... I don't care how high you are, that shit aint right.

i die

Note to self:

NEVER tell anyone they look like Kelly Osbourne ...especially if they actually do.

-Eug

BOO YOU

Some things that irk (sp?) maybe erk..me...
Eggs: Theyre a traditional breakfast menu fixture, but theyre weird. Sometimes I think I feel like them, but then i eat them and I feel like vomming. Cause I think about them, and its lyyyyke a baby feotus chicky in a gel like sack that you crack open into a pan and it sizzles and then you just wait til the bottom goes brown (or you flip em, you know sunny side up) and serve em up on a plate,, bit o' pepper, bit o' salt, wam bam thankyou mam, breakfast is served.. Course that dont count for poached or scrambled or even baked.
basically theyre fucking weird and i dont think ill ever get used to them.
And then there's COTTAGE CHEESE: When i was alll 'yeah im on a jenny craig diet im gonna be lyyykeee heapz ano' i would buy cottage cheese cos jenny craig says its good for losing weight, mad flava low fat, but really, when youve been reading all your life in dolly doctor that girls get discharge thats got a cottage cheese like consistency then its obviously thrush, welllll then you get turned off whenever you rip open the seal to spread it on your low fat low carb mountain bread pita.
EVERYTHINGS GOOD IN HINESIGHT> why do cunts have to associate every gross human body function with food.
Foods's rad, std's arent.
fuck yew dolly doctor.
fuck yew mens gallery for not paying me at 8pm oon the dot like per usual and resulting in me not have more than a dollar in my account for the last 4 days.
fuck yew the fact that i should have done my assignment tonight but instead downed much too much wine.
lyfe is swell when you cant spell.
LOVE GERTIE TOO RUDE.

balls to you Yarra Trams.

Trams are fucking ghey. Being from Paris (aka Perth) I was originally like "cool im on a tram wow" but eight months and three $167 tram fines later I've developed a pretty serious hatred for trams, tram guards and everything tram related. tram tram tram. Maybe if i say the word enough times it will lose all its meaning. Maybe if tram tickets didn't cost $3.70 for two-hours i would actually buy them instead of sitting at the very back with my head out the window on the look out for guards. No offense to anyone whose dad is a tram guard or whatever, but it has to be said, that becoming a tram guard means that you are going to hell.

-Eug

wigs and wheelchairs

rooftops, sick bitches

It's summer!

  

totally acceptable