"You will cryyyyy"

I had a conversation recently about which Angela Anaconda character I would probably be most like. Normally these conversations are easy and don't last for very long and involve characters from shows like f.r.i.e.n.d.s. and the OC in which case it's easy to sort of pick the dude/girl that most suits you. This decision is usually based on looks or personality traits. But this conversation went for about an hour and at the end of it i still could not decide which character i would be and discovered a new found appreciation for the diversity of the characters in the show. I will run through the similarities between me and:

ANEGLA ANACONDA:

• nothing. i want this bitch dead. her voice is what i will hear through a megaphone in hell while im burning in hot lava and being whipped by satan. bitchhh i hope Johnny Abbatti's crazy pizza-chef-nonna loses it with you one day and beats the shit out of you with a rolling pin. YOUR PARENTS DON'T EVEN LOVE YOU! done.

GINA LASH:

• unfortunately me and Gina Lash have quite a lot in common, mainly that i eat uncontrollably. tonight i ate three giant, stale muffins out of someone else's fridge cos i aint give a fuck (thankyou tahnee). however i do not wear glasses or own a turtle named Sheldon who eats a lot of carrots... AND my mom never slept with my primary school sport teacher.

GORDY RHINEHART:

• i have asthma and whip out my ventolin whenever i stress.
• hewmew.

JANUARY & KARLENE

• i giggle like a bitch.

JOSEPHINE PRALENE'S MOM

• i never leave my house.

MRS. BRINKS

• i hate angela.
• i have man hands and feet.
• i should not be a primary or "elementary" school teacher. ever.

NANNETTE MANOIR

• i hate angela.
• im often seen wearing a french school girls uniform.

In conclusion, unless you're shit and boring or have no desire to be in the show at all, when you try and pick you will not be able to find just-one Angela Anaconda character that's you in a nutshell.

ps; in regards to f.r.i.e.n.d.s. im obviously Joey (as much as i'd like to claim Rachel) and in regards to the OC im obvs Marissa cos of my wild party antics and gun slinging history.

ugh, luvyousomuchyoukeepmeyoung

-Eug